Well, what an excellent bout of seasonal festivities that was. The English Vegetarian in France household shared the traditional Xmas lunch of spinach stuffed pancakes and on New Years Eve we cooked a huge Chinese inspired meal washed down with what seemed like gallons of fizz and followed by perhaps the best pavlova I’ve ever eaten…not cooked by my fair hand I hasten to add.
It’s funny how the whole of the Christmas period seems to revolve around food in our house but then “meaters” are forever asking the perennial question “So what do you eat?” when you announce that you’re vegetarian. Being the kind of person I am, I always want to respond and conform to the vegetarian stereotype that people expect: “Well for breakfast it’s a bowl of muesli washed down with a healthy glass of wheat grass. Lunch is usually quilted tofu on a bed of macramed bean sprouts and for tea (that’s dinner for readers of a more Southern bent) something with Setain. While we’re on the sublect of Seitan have any of you ever tried it? Well they certainly named it right as it has the taste and the texture that could only have been brewed up in the ninth circle of Hell. I’m sure people eat this. We tried! We failed. It was truly mingtacular and an experience I for one really don’t want to repeat any time soon. For those that have never experienced the gastronomic delight that is Seitan, then let me paint a bit of a picture: It’s a sort of gelatinous, yet solid block of brown matter that comes in vac’ packs at the bio shop. Ok, I’m not painting a very good picture am I, but suffice to say it’s not a staple in this house. I suppose it looks a bit like meat (sort of oddly cooked liver if I remember correctly from my days at school) but why would you bother? I can understand non-veggies (“Meaters”) getting on our collective back about eating stuff like this, as to me at least, it has no redeeming qualities as a food stuff in any which way. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do like the odd veggie burger and have nothing against a nice Spag’ Bol’ made with soya mince.
Talking about Spag’ Bol’ we once invited some friends around for dinner, this was many moons ago when we first moved to Brittany, and I’d cooked Spag’ Bol’ – I do a very good version of it and I reckon most folk wouldn’t know it from the meat version. Anyway we get to the main event and the woman of the couple asks the question “How do you know when spaghetti is cooked?” and the proceeds to pick up a length of pasta and sling it at our wall. You know that feeling, I’ sure you’ve all had it, when something happens around you but it’s just so far away from anything that you may have been expecting that it just doesn’t compute, well that’s what we as a family had and were stunned into a silent “Did that just happen” moment. For those of you who are curious, apparently spaghetti is cooked when you sling it at the wall and it sticks.
Well we’re into the New Year now and Christmas is over and the whole world seems to be full of good intentions about their diet. We’re on the wagon and eating especially healthy food at the moment (we’ve almost got rid of all the xmas chocolates and biscuits) and I’m reliably informed that lots more people are turning to a vegetarian or semi-vegetarian diet. As a New Year’s resolution I have promised myself I’ll do more exercise. Now this shouldn’t be too difficult as at the moment my exercise regime is verging on the non-existent: I do of course exaggerate – it’s completely non-existent. But what exercise do I take up? I look at Twitface and see old friends taking up marathon running, rock climbing and all manner of sporting activities but what can the English Vegetarian in France take up by way of a cardiovascular workout? Suggestions on a postcard please.
